


How to Find a Boyfriend in 72.5 Simple Steps

by DotBot



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley Friendship, F/F, F/M, Fluff, I forgot how to tag, M/M, Oblivious Harry, ace luna lovegood, draco thinks the world is out to get him, ginny is more slytherin than draco tbh, im kidding i never knew in the first place, ish, luna just wants cuddles, me too honestly, self-indulgent fic where i make everyone gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 18:37:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15712800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DotBot/pseuds/DotBot
Summary: Harry knows that Malfoy’s up to something. There have been rumors going around the school about a secret (and frankly suspicious) club, and Harry is 100% sure that Malfoy is behind it. Hermione is exasperated, Ron is uninterested and Ginny is oddly quiet about it all.Or:Draco forms a Genders and Sexualities Alliance (it’s a gay club) (shut up ginny this is my diary entry) out of the goodness of his own heart and definitely not because he wants to scope out all the cute gay boys at Hogwarts.Or:“Draco, if we were straight we’d make a fucking great power couple.”“...Ginny, help me find all the conversion camps near Hogwarts.”





	How to Find a Boyfriend in 72.5 Simple Steps

This was not how Draco expected to spend his eighth year at Hogwarts. Really, it wasn’t. He was perfectly fine just eyeing up hot guys from afar, but according to  _ Pansy _ Draco needed to “stop being unsocial” and “get an actual fucking boyfriend”. But of course, Pansy- being an icky straight person- didn’t get that Draco  _ couldn’t _ get a boyfriend because he had no idea what guys at school were even gay. And there was no way he was going to come out to the school. Nope. He’d managed to keep that secret from the school (and his father) for the past four years and he wasn’t going to give in now. Besides, once he left Hogwarts it’d be much easier to find a boyfriend. Right? 

But alas, aside from being an icky straight person, Pansy was also an icky, irritating, annoyingly stubborn person. They’d barely been at Hogwarts for a week and already he was going insane. He needed aspirin. Badly. Draco sighed and slid down further in his chair. He was currently hiding out in the library and trying to avoid the wrath of his best friend. Surprisingly, he hadn’t been caught yet. He pulled a quill out from his bag and started doodling on a spare piece of parchment.

“Hey, Malfoy,” called a voice from right behind him. Draco definitely did  _ not  _ jump, because he was definitely  _ not _ afraid of ominous voices coming from the dark, creepy corner of the library. 

“Er, hello?” He called out.

“Hey-” Oh, it was the weaselette- “Can I sit here?” Hold on,  _ it was the weaselette?  _ And she wanted to sit there? Draco was entirely too tired to comprehend the strange habits of Gryffindors today. In fact, he was too tired for that every day. Now that he thought about it, he should probably start getting more sleep.

Apparently, Draco’s internal monologue went on for a tad too long, because Weasley was beginning to look at him strangely. 

“Um, all of the other tables are pretty full so…” She trailed off awkwardly.

Draco shrugged. “Sure.” Then he went back to doodling on the paper. They sat there in a somewhat comfortable silence for another twenty minutes until Pansy came and dragged Draco off to torture him some more. Well, fuck.

 

 

 

It was a few days later when he bumped into Weasley again. He was in the library again, this time trying to come up with ideas for getting a boyfriend. So far, it wasn’t going well at all. Weasley plopped down in front of him and took a book out of her bag. Draco barely glanced up before he went back to his- very empty looking- list. He stared blankly at it for another few minutes before sighing and scrunching it up into a little ball. Maybe if he banged his head on the table some ideas would come to him.

“What’s up?” 

“Hm?” He looked up at Weasley, surprised.

“You seem pretty irritated. Want any help?”

“Oh, uh, no I’m fine. Honestly.” Draco replied, hastily shoving the paper out of sight. The last thing he needed for for a Weasley to be diving into his very private (and very gay) affairs.

“No, really, let me hel-”

“Nope, I’m fine,” Draco said sharply with a pained smile. “Thanks, though.”

Weasley sighed. “Look, Malfoy, I know we haven’t gotten along in the past but I thought that maybe we could… start fresh?”

Draco looked at her with wide eyes. “Oh. That...that would be nice. Thanks.”

She smiled briefly. “Well, now that we’re… acquaintances, let me give you some advice!”

Draco raised a brow. “Okay?”

Ginny held up the crumpled ball of paper. “Don’t let your guard down,” She said with a wink.

“Wh-hey! Give that back!” Draco leaned over the table but Weasley had already stepped back and was smoothing out the paper.

“...how to get a boyfriend without accidentally outing myself to the whole school?” Ginny looked up. “Well for starters, maybe don’t write it down on paper where anyone could read it.”

Draco flushed bright red, snatching the paper back. “I wasn’t exactly planning on anybody reading it,” he muttered, shoving the parchment into his bag. “You...you’re not going to tell anyone, right?”

“Course not, I’m not that mean.”

Draco sighed in relief.

“On one condition, obviously.”

Draco stared at her with baited breath. “What condition exactly?”

“Well, two, really. First, you call me Ginny and not  _ weaselette _ ,” she chirped, wrinkling her nose at the name. Okay, Draco could do that.

“Secondly,” Ginny smirked.”You let me help you.”

Well. Fuck.

 

 

 

Okay, so  _ maybe  _ Ginny was really good at this, and  _ maybe _ in the day she’d been helping Draco with the boyfriend issue she’d already come up with at least a dozen ideas. 

That didn’t mean Draco had to admit it. 

Within a week, they managed to narrow it down to three potential plans: 

  1. Have Ginny flirt with guys to see how they respond.
  2. Listen in on a lot of gossip to see if anything comes up.
  3. Use your god _damn_ gaydar, Draco.



Hey, he didn’t say they were  _ good  _ plans. At any rate, he managed to get Pansy to stop bugging him about it. Draco pondered the pros and cons of each of these plans as he idly stirred his potion. Potions’ classes were taught by Slughorn again this year since...Draco didn’t particularly want to think about why. Shaking his read, he glanced at his textbook to read the next step. 

“Add two crushed b-”

The door slammed open to reveal a panting Ginny Weasley standing in the doorway. Everyone in the classroom froze and stared at her.

“Er...Professor McGonagall wants to talk to Draco Malfoy.”

And now everyone was looking at Draco. Great He packed up his things quickly and followed Ginny out into the hallway. 

“What does McGon-hey!”

Draco found himself being dragged at top speed down the corridor and into the farthest corner of the library.

“Sit.” Ginny demanded. Draco tried not to look as terrified as he felt. He probably didn’t succeed- Ginny was petrifying at times. Those times being...well, all the times, really.

“Are you going to explain what’s going on? What about Professor McGonagall?” Draco asked, bemused.

“Oh,” Ginny waved a hand flippantly,” She doesn’t want to talk to you. I just needed an excuse to get you out of class.”

Draco stared at her incredulously. “And how exactly did you get out of class?”

She grinned sheepishly. “I was in Binns’. I just walked out. Well, ran. Anyway, that’s not important.”

“Alright, so what’s so urgent that you needed to drag me out of potions?”

Ginny leaned closer to Draco and motioned for him to move in too. “I figured out what we’re going to do.” She whispered.

Draco blinked. “We already have plans though.”

“But those are crap plans, This is a good one. Great, actually. Maybe even brilliant.”

He rolled his eyes. “Are you going to tell me what this good, great, maybe brilliant plan is?”

Ginny grinned widely. “A club.”

“A club?”

“A club.”

“Ginny, you’re going to have to be a little more specific.”

“A gay club.”

Draco blinked again.

“Okay, so remember how we had a duelling club back in second year?”

“Yeah..” Draco murmured questioningly. “But that was a flop.”

“Well this won’t be.”

“What won’t be?”

“The gay club!”

“Which you have yet to explain properly!”

Ginny sighed as though she were talking to a six year old. “We start a club for LGBT+ people. I think muggles call it a GSA.”

“Which stands for…?”

“Genders and Sexualities Alliance.”

Draco stayed silent for a moment, thinking. “That...might actually work.”

“So you wouldn’t have to out yourself to everyone in school, just the gay people. It’s a win-win situation!”

Draco must have something in his eye because of all the blinking he’s been doing. “I’m sorry,  _ what?! _ Ginny, I’m not outing myself at all!”

Ginny hummed. “Well, actually, you’ll find that you are. Or will be, at any rate.”

Draco was seriously regretting recruiting Ginny into this project. (Although recruit wasn’t a very good description, she just sort of barged her way into it.)

“Abso-fucking-lutely not.”

Ginny shrugged, standing up and grabbing her bag. “Fine by me. But don’t come crying when you end up dying alone!”

Draco was pretty sure that her tone was entirely too cheery for a discussion about Draco’s inevitable lonely death.

He was also pretty sure that she had a very valid point.

Well,  _ fuck _ .

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to make the gayest fic i possibly could
> 
> i also want a six pack but it seems like neither of those are possible
> 
> i'll try anyway oh well  
> (p.s. there are so many things i hate about my writing in this but i'm tired and hungry and i don't ca r e anymore)


End file.
